Hello KristenRenee: Thanks for sharing your struggle. In many ways my mental health struggles have also ruined my life. In fact one of the psychiatrists I saw, quite a few years ago now, told me so. I also hate being the way I am. But at my age, it's really just too late to worry about the possibility of making any changes. It all just is what it is. I send my best wishes your way with the hope that you might be able to find deep peace within...