Hi Ghtyui!

I've been diagnosed with Schizotypal personality, for I guess a couple years now (time flies!). I'm sorry that you have had a bad experience with prior therapists. Having one you mesh well with makes a HUGE difference.

It's totally okay, to observe and evaluate your actions. I remember when I was first diagnosed, everything I did, seemed odd or wrong or weird. Then, I went through the "just embrace the wierdness" phase, and finally it's just something on my record that explains a few of my oddities and nothing more.

What may seem obvious to you, may not necessarily be obvious to them. Most people have never heard of it, outside of the psych realm. I've explained it to quite a few people who've been receptive of it and "get it" - and also don't associate it with schizophrenia.

I understand the disconnect you feel. It is me to a tee. Those awkward pauses and glances that they don't think you noticed, but you notice all too well can make you feel soooo crappy.

I have been working at the same job for about 5-6 years now. The environment i'm in (emergency room) has a quirky atmosphere in general. I work very hard to stay out of gossip and if i'm speaking of an oddity (I have a problem with saying highly random things that can throw people for a loop), I just preface it with "I know this is random but..." My coworkers are just as gossipy as the next, but they have gotten used to my oddities and the newer people who have yet to figure it out I either leave it to be their problem and not mine, or my coworkers will explain my personality (they dont all know of the dx) to people who just don't understand.

I work adequately, am super friendly and have good intentions. It's all I can do to do my best. The rest is a "them" problem not a "me" problem. I suggest you continue to work hard, encourage yourself with positive self talk, if a situation feels testy TALK about it! Call people out (in a respectful way, I usually use a joke). If they're glancing, let them know - "Yes, I know that was an awkward moment wasn't it?!"

I hope this is more than just blabber and helps a little bit