Fractured Infant, do you ever experience those "Aha!", moments where what you once identified as a tragedy, creates the ground work for you to later experience what you now identify as a miracle?

I think that is a beautiful part about memory. It reveals the progression, the growing part, as we move through our own life, our very own experiences.

I don't know about anyone else, but I came into this life knowing nothing. I was wrapped in a blanket and people carried me around and made funny noises. I could tell hot from cold and a sensation in my belly meant that I either needed to find a source for substance or that my blanket was about to turn cold and wet. I didn't know anything else. Thank goodness someone shoved a teat in my mouth.

In order for my personality to start developing I had to mirror off of what was most often around me. I assume that was my Mother. I began noticing her reactions when I cried for food or wet the bed. The reactions were what I identified as positive or negative. So it all began.

I didn't start to figure out myself until I started to look at who I mirrored off of. Today I know that my Mother suffered from NPD and so a lot of the time, I mirrored off of a false image. She began to instill in me what she believed the perfect child should be.

Stopping here, I'm realizing that the way I interpret memory is not necessarily for me to assume as blame. My quest is to forgive myself and others.