Cake, I used to volunteer at a DV shelter. The sooner your daughter gets to one, the better her chances of survival. The average times it takes a woman to leave permanently is 8. By 7 and 8 it becomes very dangerous for the woman and is a high percentage that she's ... Well... Please get her a DV number and this info. Tell her to pack a bag with necessities and copies of important documents so that it is ready for when she is. Keep it in the trunk or closet so she can grab it and go.
I also agree with you having to take care of you. Give her the tools she needs and take care of you.
Lots of hugs and support!!!