Hi all,

I hope this question doesn't come across as offensive (not my intention at all, just wanting some experience-based advice). I'm currently dealing with a narc in my life, someone who I care about deeply and am very attached to. I made the mistake of googling things when I started noticing him acting differently, so of course this freaked me out because I realized that there was a possibility that he had lied to me for years. He has not been formally diagnosed by a medical doctor, so I am hesitant to really call him a narcissist at all - but at the same time, it is very clear that he is struggling with something, and this is about as close as I can get. He is not like the typical narcissist - he doesn't brag around me, he doesn't put others down, he never manipulated me or coerced me into doing something I wasn't comfortable with, and I can't really discern any area of our relationship that he exploited, other than my emotions. But he is obsessed with his public image, earning money, and he has abandoned me several times (on third round currently). Every time we reunite there is some excuse, usually that his phone broke and he had no way to reach me - but I know this is false, because he could easily reach me on social media if his phone was broken and was even actively posting on platforms during the abandonment period. I am beginning to sense that there were some things he lied to me about, and I'm wondering if there has been someone else in the picture all along.

My question is, how effective is going "no contact?" Every website I read says that narcs are beyond help and I should walk away - I don't agree. I'm not an expert, but my gut tells me there's more here to the story than him just being selfish. Whether you've gone no contact or been on its receiving end, did it really solve anything? I'm just trying to reconcile it, but I can't seem to feel confident doing it - but that's what everything that I read says to do! Thoughts? I'm feeling pretty lost and confused about the whole situation right now.