This is great advice, thank you. I think I hate myself. In the background of my mind I am always constructing scenarios of how everything should go. When things fall short it's the fuel for the fire. When enough fuel is present it ignites. Mostly the person who doesn't go along with the plan is me. I think when I fall short of expectations I don't know how to handle it. I say expectations not 'my expectations' because in a way I feel I am not totally in control of setting them. That is why they are hard to attain for me, and probably where all the anger comes from. I have explained it like getting up in the morning and being compelled to do the things in my day like someone is standing behind me, over me constantly prodding and pushing me forward. In the current situation I was angry with myself and feeling bad, then my daughter acted in a way I would expect any normal teenager to act, but at the time I could not see that, I could only see how it was such a disrespect to me. I misinterpreted her actions, or chose to see them in one way based on how I was feeling about myself, not based on a full view of the situation. So I over reacted. It's odd to think that I have a relationship with myself but it seems like that is what's screwed up and the underlying source of my anger.
On feeling normal; for my whole life I am either on my way up or on my way down, I struggle to find a middle ground. Being normal always means I am on my way down. Balance is an important issue for me, but it may be a symptom not the cause. I'm not sure.