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Old 07-10-2017, 11:35 AM
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Member Since: Mar 2017
Location: Europe
Posts: 201

2 yr Member
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Default Re: 14 years of anorexia and so done.

Originally Posted by iwanttobelieve View Post
I have a long history of anorexia spanning 14 years that resulted from 8 years of childhood sexual abuse. Lots of hospitalisations. One recent failed suicide attempt. Ive been in therapy for the last two years. At 27 Im now feeling the physical affects of anorexia, and I WANT to recover, and Im frustrated that I still cannot eat.

I feel like a victim of my own mind. I dont want to be a revolving door patient. I understand that we can 'only sae ourselves', yet I cannot seem to 'save myself'. The services in the area where I live for people with eating disorders are sparce and Ive exhuasted the resources that are available, I also dont have the money to go privately. I also dont know how any other professional could help me in any other way in which I havent already been 'helped' in the last 14 years.

I see people younger than me, recovering. I also see people older than me living with this illness in their 40's and 50's and beyond and that terrifies me - and I know that could be me if I carry one.

Im frustrated and feel so alone, and have no idea where to turn.


I struggled with anorexia for 13 years. I understand how you feel 100%.

I am 33 today and recovered physically at the age of 30.

I can say that it is worth recovering physically, really. It does get better mentally as well, but sometimes I still struggle with body dismorphia and sometimes I hate being normal weight (sometimes I like it!)...but at least I don't have to worry about osteoporosis and other crap.

It is really hard to gain weight and look normal, when you are struggling inside, It feels like no one sees how much you are hurting. But at the same time, it is the only chance you have to find out why you are hurting!

let me explain, only when I recovered from anorexia it was clear that many of my issues came from other mental illnesses. I am now diagnosed with BPD, and I probably have other issues as well. It gets so much clearer when anorexia isn't in the way, because I can work with the real issues.

I would say I recovered with the help of my fear. Fear of getting disabled, fear or permanent physical damage, fear of the future. It helped me to see the big picture: my life, my only life

I still struggle with eating sometimes, but mostly I eat enough and I keep a normal weight. I have completely dropped exercise and I can eat a normal amount without gaining weight, which I never thought would be possible.

I have to accept my body set itself at a BMI of 21-22, but that is fine. I have to accept it.

My advice is, you have to jump in the cold water. Brace yourself, anxiety will come. You have a mission and that is stabilizing your weight. If talking to a therapists helps, try to get one. But the fight is inside you, and you have to be ready to take the anxiety.

If you don't, you will eventually die, or have the rest of your life destroyed. THis is reality.

I strongly advice eating minimum 3000 calories/day until that doesn't make you gain anymore. Then you have reached the weight your body needs to recover. A lot of repair has to be done after 14 years of disordered eating. Only then you can cut the calories a bit. Some people gain more, some less. You will not be able to control the weight gain, this is the truth. You have to trust.

I know it seems impossible. But it is either you fight with your anxiety or you accept this disorder will take your life, you have to be determined and walk through the storm. It will end and it will get better. I promise

Feel free to PM me if you need.

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