It's been years since I've felt a positive emotion. It's been two years since I've been off antidepressants, which I believe caused it. It's been three months since I've been off Lamictal completely. I feel so ****ing numb it's unbelievable, and I drink alcohol for its sedative effects that make me feel relaxed. Interestingly, previous to all medications, when I would drink alcohol I would feel immense joy and my face would rush with emotional chemicals making it feel numb. Now I don't get that sensation when I drink because my chemistry has changed so much.