When I attempted, my temp job had ended 4 days before, my husband was unemployed, we had no insurance so after my 20 or 21 day hospital stay they sent me to an inpatient mental health facility that was nonprofit--served the homeless, etc. It seemed quite low budget. Mostly, we were just locked in a room together and monitored to make sure we didn't hurt ourselves. They did not change my dressings for days (twice during a 5 days stay and I had major wounds) plus I saw a psychiatrist only twice--short visits.

The one helpful thing was a man who taught the group classes. He did this as a volunteer. He had witnessed and survived a major trauma as a teenager which reared its ugly head years later and caused havoc in his life including alcohol problems. Only after hitting rock bottom, did he realize that it was unresolved. He kept saying to me that their must be some sort of trauma in my life that drove me to do what I did--especially given my background (my parent's were middle class--had enough $ to pay for my college education, until recently--after the credit bubble bursted--my husband and I were able to find sufficient work) and that I seemed so normal on the outside. He took the time to tell my husband and me his story and how important it was for me to see a therapist.

Earlier this year, my T reminded me that when I first went to therapy I said I really had nothing to talk about. But what this man said to me in such a kind way kept replaying in my mind. So I took a chance and brought up some things that I thought were probably unimportant but might be traumatizing. It turns out that there were some negative experiences that effected me more than I realized. It is easy to talk about good memories but not bad. If this caring gentleman had not laid the proper foundation--I do not know if I would have made as much progress as I have. For the most part, I don't even believe the people whom I have had traumatic experiences with meant me any harm. We all handle things differently, sometimes we need to learn better ways to handle things and allow ourselves to feel anger and sadness without guilt or forgive ourselves for our mistakes or we have developed negative coping mechanisms. Also, if we have been under intense stress for a long time, we may need a lot of rest. I still have a ways to go, but don't many of us? Life is messy....