I have been depressed most of my life and on medication + therapy for many years. Things took a turn for the worse in June. I went from being depressed to being seriously apathetic and fatigued. I was numb and had no desire to do anything but watch tv and sleep.

I brought this to the attention of my therapist and we couldn't find a trigger. My Pdoc agreed and wanted to add a 3d medication called Rexulti. I was fearful of the side effects and afraid of gaining even more weight. I didn't know what to do and my husband suggested I see our regular doctor who would consider the side effects and treat me in a more holistic manner. I saw the doc and we agreed that I would think about it and decide if I wanted to continue with my Pdoc or see him. He also advised that Rexulti was expensive (like $900/month) and not covered by insurance. He said Abilify was in the same class and to think about that. That night the depression started to lift.

I haven't felt the heavy weight of depression since. I know I am not depressed but I am still on my meds and wouldn't think of quitting. My T tried to help me find out what happened but we couldn't find it. I took even more of a dip after the Pdoc and was in bad shape when I saw my regular doc. The only thing I can think of is spontaneous remission. The timing seems too coincidental. Perhaps I felt relief from seeing my doc and felt there was a way out. Maybe the episode had run its course.

This is the first time I have been aware that I am not depressed at all. I feel normal. I feel so much better. I have a few bad events and a few boring days but most have been good.

I am trying not to push myself too hard so that I can keep what I have. I feel like I am moving forward in my life but still a little fragile. I am not kidding myself that it is gone forever but I will remember this when it does.

I wish I knew what happened and I wish I could share it with all of you. We all deserve to feel better.