Meanwhile I'm just sitting here thinking how much philosophy, including crap like Stoicism, only exacerbates my depression. I've been in and out of existential crises for the past week or more, and there's nothing encouraging about it. Nor is a dichotomy like "perfection or evil" encouraging at all, I will never do anything that's good for my "flourishing", rightness, etc. I don't have that capacity. Only to fail, see that I failed, beat myself up for failing then give up. I'm not sure how desirable any kind of philosophical enlightenment is anyway, mostly it sounds incredibly strict, narrow, and dull. And miserable, generally. I have enough misery.

So no, philosophy hasn't done anything helpful. Mostly it's just something to pass the time, and I feel like I ought to be thinking about these things.