I think you have to ask yourself why you are so committed to helping her. Do you need to be needed in that way? Does being needed by her give you self worth, or value, that being with a healthy person who didn't need you in this way would not?

I say that as a classic enabler, former savior complex dude, who has been rescuing women since I came of age, and has been rescuing the same woman for 19 years. It's exhausting, and the brief periods of elation as the pedestaled man who is the Rock of Gibraltar for your damaged lover, just don't pay for the toll of living in such an asymmetrical relationship. There's a price to infantilizing your SO, and cleaning up their messes, to taking on more than your share of the domestic labor, and earnings of the relationship. Both members of the partnership can resent each other over the asymmetry. You for doing so much and finding it to be thankless, and her for you "always being to good guy" , for reminding her of her incapacity.

Admittedly, I'm a little sour right now as I deal with my currently hypomanic spouse who is all covered up in mid-life crisis and bipolar 2, among other things, but unless you're prepared for a roller coaster life, it is probably not worth the investment.

If you were to ask me if I'd do it again, I'd probably have to say yes, I have three sons and I've lead a full life these last two decades that has included quite a bit of love and great memories with my SO, but to say that any of it was easy, or routine, I'd say no. I definitely have had to compromise on a lot of things in my life I would rather have not had to compromise about. Finances, career, my children's mental health, relationships outside the home, even the frequency and nature of vacations have all been impacted by having a largely untreated mentally ill person as my partner. We have a strong bond, a lot of history, and so much entanglement that defies the same advice I'm giving you, but if you're not that deep, I would seriously evaluate your motivations for staying involved with her, and consider moving on.

I want to qualify my advice with the fact that one can have a good relationship with people who experience mental illness. However, I'm firmly of the opinion that if the person in question is in denial at all, is inconsistent with treatment, and is belligerent with the person who is trying to help them, then it's time to move on. The sick person needs to be on board or you're going to struggle indefinitely.

What has allowed my situation to work has been 1) my wife is rarely manic/hypomanic,(depressed people can't f up things so much) 2) is generally "a good person" 3) usually can show me love and appreciation, and has been a good, if inconsistent in some ways, mother. Had these things not been true, we would have been finished within 5 years of marriage.

I hope that's helpful.