You're not alone. The people here understand. Please don't think about hurting yourself.

I agree that these people don't sound cool. What kind of friend would let you get raped? In the future, honestly, think about finding a different crowd, where doing drugs isn't compulsory.

You're overestimating the need to be embarrassed by the way you acted. You were out of it. A bad trip. From their point of view, they won't know what caused it, too many factors involved.

Take care.