yes.. healing is what matters...

its not that i dont think its not ptsd, its just that no one seems to understand what i am going through...

i talked to the therapist yesterday briefly...

she said she had worked with some others that had d.i.d. so that made me feel a little better about maybe being able to figure it out...
she said it may not be full developed identities though whatever that means, i think she said that atleast... i was really struggling...

im just having a really hard time getting myself to come up from out of this underwater feeling...

really disconnected and detached... not sure who i am...
feel like i keep changing from different people... really confused.. embarrassed...
scared...

its scary because other it makes me feel like it might be strokes... brain disease... dememntia... something like that...because my mind is slipping...
and im just getting scared more and tired more and more...
making me just not want to live like this more... cant keep going like this...

wtf is thiss...
to be a box. with call cards in it...
but the box is not functioning or making calls to the cards to come out.. so end up with this place holder that cant do ****...
like the box is locked... broken... all the cards scrambled... numbers lost, box making the wrong calls...

i just want to be someone, a person that can handle life, need to make this stop...
dont know why it bad now.. or did it ever get better?

i dunno whats going on...