Quote:
Originally Posted by TrailRunner14
Just a curious question of how you handle things that seem big if you think you may not be able to meet with your therapist.
The holidays are coming up and I’m in a place that is hard for me.
I️ work through things week by week and handle what comes to me with the safety of knowing I️ can sort it out with my counselor the upcoming week.
I️ want to be stronger and be able to handle things and put them in a safe place. I️ don’t want to be dependent, but I️ am.
That makes me .......::
I️ don’t know what that makes me.
Afraid?
Angry?
Needy?
I️ don’t know what I’m trying to say or ask.
Just putting this out there.
Thanks for hearing me.
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Things I got from my t--
Being dependent can be scary and feel unacceptable because as little ones we only experienced dependence as hurt. But the reality is there can be dependence that is good and right and okay. Seeking help is what we are supposed to do, and there is no human being on earth that's not dependent on others, especially in hard times. So it makes sense that bad, angry, scary feelings come up for us when we think we might need help or comfort, and yet this is a double bind, because we need something we don't want, and can't judge what is appropriate.
I have an alter for whom comfort of any kind is overwhelming. He's working on increasing his tolerance for good feelings. I don't know if that goes with all I'm saying but there it is.
My t has worked with us on comforting ourselves and each other, and time after time we all forget and need to be reminded to do very simple things that bring up feelings of comfort. It's hard to learn but also totally understandable. T says those comfort feelings are super important to access because it switches us to a different neurological mechanism, so to speak. It keeps us from going into survival mode, or helps us get out. She says these pathways of comfort are weak and need to be strengthened with lots of use. Comfort comfort comfort. Feels like learning how to write left-handed. Not natural. But as many times as I need to be reminded I have seen that it is true.
Internal hugs are great. Can any of you hug each other inside? We have internal safe places. Internal pets, who are warm and soft and we like to listen to their heartbeats and breaths. Like our Little, with her Aslan. Haha! Pets is the wrong word I think. They're not like pets. Better. And stuffies of course. Can't forget those. Blankies. Taking time for this is up there with taking time to shower or brush teeth. It's just plain necessary.
I'm remembering how important all this is as I type.
We have been starved of comfort for a good long time, and we need to take in as much of it as we can, as often as we can.