Quote:
Originally Posted by Mapman
Open Eyes, I'll be honest--it's been years. Early on in our relationship she set a tone sexually that was pretty...disinterested. So I adjusted to her desires because she seemed to want it less than I and I got tired of getting turned down. I thought of the sex as just one component of the relationship and not the entire thing. So I fulfilled my needs in other ways without involving other people if you get my drift. It just seems like we settled into a groove that wasn't particularly exciting, but that was because that's what we both wanted.
But now as I think back to those earlier years I wonder if she was getting her needs fulfilled elsewhere and that's why she was disinterested.
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I was not suggesting you all of a sudden change and woo her. I was actually wondering what kind of relationship you did have with her.
Interesting that she was an only child, I am wondering as I take a peek at some of your other posts if your wife grew up where a lot of things, including decisions were made "for" her. Maybe what she wanted sexually is for the man to be in charge and responsible for satisfying her too. You mentioned that she did not seem interested, well, I bet she did not know HOW to be interested and she may not have orgasm-ed either. Truth is a lot of couples have to LEARN how to satisfy each other and a lot of men end up only satisfying themselves and the woman just fakes it because she doesn't know "how" to orgasm with a partner. It sounds to me like in your marriage you both took care of yourselves sexually and did not figure out how to do it "together", that happens more than people are willing to admit.
Also, women getting close to age fifty, even women who have gone through the change of life, can "change" some women actually go through a phase where they want "more" of something and not really quite know what that "something" is. It sounds to me like this man she knew in her past is stoking her ego and she likes the attention.
Before you decide to dig your heals into "she is cheating on me and I should be devastated", consider this an opportunity to evaluate the relationship you have had, do have and if this is a wake up call where you can add "quality" to it or if maybe you are in a relationship that is not gratifying for either of you. After all, what DO you do together that bonds you?