Long ago I knew a girl who told me of her travails while in high school; long before transitioning from one sex to another was acceptable, in the late 1970’s.

Like you, she did not like her curvaceous body. She was overly gifted with very large breasts and she concealed her body in baggy jumpers and blouses and dresses, &etc. she had long blonde hair and she feared that she would gain a reputation as a ‘dumb blonde with big tits’ and so she hid her curves, stayed away from the boys and lived an asexual life until college.

During her senior year in high school, she had breast reduction surgery. Her overly large breasts became ‘normal;’ still large but not ridiculously so.

You are saying one thing and then negating the same in the next sentence or paragraph. “I quite enjoy being a female,” and then, “Can’t help but feel like I would be happier if I wasn’t.”

Quite a lot of confusion, what? “Looking cute is pretty fun,” but “I get a kick out of looking like a guy”?

And this whole pronoun dilemma of the 21st century makes me dizzy. It has led to horrors in English grammar as we strive to create a gender-neutral language that makes a lie out of sex and sexual choice.

“What am I?” you ask? Confused, I think. We can agree upon that? I am assuming that you are young and sexually inexperienced? What you describe seems like a true bisexuality where you can be comfortable - happy, even - being either sex. That’s something to think on.

My busty friend became sexually active at university with both men and women. My theory is that she had a fear of being a lesbian as she married a man who, married previously, had lost his wife to a woman. He was not one who would encourage her to continue her bisexuality. She became a complacent suburban working wife wearing Anne Taylor in place of thrift store jumpers.

How old are you? I am not one to assign or accept sexual preferences to 3-year-olds nor to accept or assign preferred gender to those who have not been sexually active. I have had trans lovers of both sexes - trans men and trans women - and others who were more fluid about their gender.

Right now it seems that you revel in your femininity but are excited about being male. The good news is that you are free to choose and that you need not settle on one or the other gender. You can be fluid, you can be both, you can be both: just as you are now.