Well... our situations are different. My (life-long) struggle has been in terms of my gender identity. But I can relate to everything you've written here. Mine is a hugely long story. And I won't bore you with the details. I did sort-of lurch out of the closet, so to speak, for a brief time, a few years ago. But nobody really wanted to know about it. So I just reflexively slunk back into the closet & closed the door. I'm still there. I don't expect to ever come out again.

What I have come to understand, as a result of my own experiences, is that how I handle my gender identity struggle is basically up to me. I can either choose to do what I need to do for myself & damn anybody who doesn't like it (sort-of a full speed ahead & damn the torpedoes approach), or I can continue to struggle day-in & day-out as I always have. I get to choose. In part due to my age, & the fact that my wife has no one else, I'm choosing to just continue to struggle day-in & day-out. I once told a therapist I spoke with briefly a few years ago... I know what my options are. I just don't like any of them. At least for me though hiding in the closet is familiar territory.

I could write a lot more. But basically what I can tell you is that, at least from my perspective, the good news here is you get to choose how you handle this situation. But the bad news also is... you get to choose. And so you have to live with the consequences, both good & bad, either way. I wish you well...