I wish I could do the open relationship thing, but knowing that for him, sex with anyone else would be easier and more satisfying makes it difficult to not get really jealous. I get too nervous about sex and everything feels uncomfortable or downright painful. With everyone else, he's been able to give them an orgasm pretty easily within a reasonable amount of time. I've only had them on my own. So living with that shame doesn't help.

We'll talk to our therapist about it, but there's really two options: either I become straight or I can be alone and not romantically involved with anyone. Probably ever.

I have no idea why I ever thought it would be okay to be in a relationship. I always knew I'd have issues enjoying sex with another person and yet OBSESS about having sex. Which is what I do. I think about sex almost constantly, initiate it, and then become uncomfortable and not enjoy it. Then I take care of myself and just feel empty. Who would want to be involved with someone like that?