I will utter the word that baffles many because it was my first ‘coming out’ description.

Bisexual. I first heard the word from one of my girlfriend’s sisters when I was 16. And that’s how I described and acted upon my sexual (I hate this word) identity. Then, in 2003 or 2004, someone invented the word ‘polyamorous’ and that is one way that I describe myself, now. ‘Poly-queer,’ mostly, sometimes ‘bi-poly.’ Many, most, of my relationships have been with two or three other people and my emotional partnerships have been exclusively with women. In my relationships as one in a coupled partnership - with partners who did not share all of my deviations - I have always made it clear that the relationship would be open.

It has become so much easier to gain acceptance in the LGBTQ community whilst identifying as bisexual these days. It feels as if the dam broke with the new millennium, really. My radical beliefs concerning monogamy set me up as sexually suspect (since the 1970’s! Back when women and men had pubic hair!) and I never was really closeted concerning the sexes of my lovers - running the LGBTQ gamut - but, yes, I assure you, if you choose to be recognized as bisexual you would definitely have the support of the larger queer community.

But I do - as do many others - throw up my hands and question why the asexual (and, in particular, those who are ‘agender,’ who would have us change our use of pronouns or create new pronouns that are gender-denial) would wish to be included with very sexual orientations.

Um. A bit off topic, there. Sorry.

The only... problem... that I could foresee would be the completely un-PC bias amongst some who would question your orientation based upon your complete lack of experience of sex with a woman. The PC reaction says that you can identify as anything you like but the niggling in the frontal cortex might not agree.

I believe that you are placing too much emphasis on your current relationship. You are in couples therapy? Does this man know of your attraction to women? Does he know that you can only achieve orgasm through masturbation? (And, no, he does not get a pass because of prior experiences.)

Why do you believe that your only real choice is this heterosexual monogamous relationship or nothing? That appears to be faulty reasoning. Sexually frustrated and straight or naught? No, I don’t buy that. I don’t believe that you can go from wondering how you can out yourself as bisexual to deciding that you must be straight and miserable without more examination, possibly with other women who share your concerns.

No, no; too quick. You cannot go from misery to misery so quickly. You have too many choices to ponder rather than to choose misery, again, in the span of two or three days.

Take time and imagine what might satisfy you whilst in a loving relationship.