I have a great boyfriend, my family is supportive, I work out 4-5x a week, I am always trying new things, I am going back to university to study what I always wanted, people like my company, I stress about money but who doesn't, I am an incredibly rational person who understands moods, triggers, emotions, but what I cannot understand is the point of it all.

Going through the motions, making plans, I do everything you are supposed to do to be happy so why am I not? Why is it every time I finally open up about how I feel all that spews out is loneliness, sadness, and guilt. I feel numb to everything, and I am so tired of acting how I am supposed to and not getting anywhere. For a year now I have felt on the verge of something, and so fragile, lights seem brighter, people sound louder. When I have thoughts now by myself I suppress them and think “Ok I will think about that later when I can write about it” because I don’t even want to get into it by myself. I feel empty when my life is clearly so abundant. Why is it that I can recognize I have things good yet still feel nothing about it. I’m so sick of repressing things but when I try to vocalize it it doesn’t sound real.

I need help on how to continue because I feel like I am imploding.