This obsession with my sexuality has caused nothing but stress. It's like I'm not sure who or what I am anymore, despite my past and present.

Now I'm over thinking whether i had hidden atttactions or i have been blissfully ignorant of being gay.

This all started in April when, funny enough, I was on a site (a place I frequented) that had lots of pornographic images of women and suddenly I started to feel a pressure in my throat almost similar to nausea but more akin an anxious feeling or reflex but without the anxiety. Since then every attractive girl I’ve come across brings about the same reflex. It’s like I notice a girl then it happens. Therefore, I have since been obsessing about whether I’m losing attraction to girls. It is more this reflex throat feeling meaning that I’m almost allergic to attractive girls that worries me.

Funny enough, I've slept with about three women between August and November. I was quite drunk each time, but did not really come across any problems, other than taking long to come butthat is usually the alcohol. I sometimes overthink whether I was going through the motions. That in itself did not make sense as it time escalated mutually, but you can understand how I would split hairs.

Since then, I started checking if I liked guys (looking at guys and googling to see if I felt a reaction). I am considering taking a break from porn, as it's reached a point where vanilla does not do it much for me.

Spike warining:
To make things worse i have been going on forums to check coming out stories and all it's filled with is men who didn't realise it until a big trigger then suddenly they are not only gay but see all thr signs in the past. I'm not sure what to do, when I'm out and i see a dude I over think whether or not it is attraction.

Girls I feel indifferent towards at the moment and worry if it's due to some trigger as if I never was attracted to women im the first place. But it just doesn't make sense. I must admit i have had bi-curious thoughts like acts, but it was more the taboo that gave a slight thrill. I don't intend on acting on it. But even that worries me like it's some sort of entry into becoming gay.

Excuse the length I'm highly stressed.