I am not really sure of a reason. I know my ptsd has been a lot worse, I am desperately trying to hold it all together for the first therapy appt in January. I have been having some flashbacks of both rape experiences and with both uncovered details surfacing. I think it is a question that I have just kept putting way deep down and only no even had the courage to even examine. Let alone accept the answer. If I come to the realization that I am bi or gay, I know my marriage will more likely end. I really don’t like that thought but like you said it isn’t fair to use my wife as a safety net.