I'm not really an expert here, but to be honest if you don't enjoy dominating there might not be much you can do to "mesh" your preferences, as you say. I think for most people a lot of the appeal comes when your partner is enjoying him/herself.

But if you want to try my suggestion would be to tell your partner that it's distracting to have him giving you orders in the middle of sex and instead talk beforehand about what he would be interested in you doing, and then try implementing those specific things.