I’m up past 4 a.m. I just don’t want to go to bed, because I don’t want to face the morning. My typical morning anxiety seems like it might be worse, being the last day off before I go back to work and having to face the new year as well. January is the worst month, with quarter-end work plus year-end work.

I did fairly well the past few days while out of the house on my stay-cation. I had my phone with me, so I guess I had my main distraction that I used intermittently. I had trouble with the long drives, so I just resorted to daydreaming to distract myself from anxious thoughts. I nearly missed an exit. I wish I could just be comfortable enough to be present.

Frankly, I could have had a real vacation, but I just didn’t feel up to it. Sadly, I’m glad we didn’t go anywhere because I just want to be home.