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January · Jan 11, 2018 at 02:14 PM

Christina, my heart goes out to you. I can tell you that I didn't think I could share with my new pdoc, but I managed to do it and found he is very kind and helpful. Please don't give up hope.

Christmas with my family was a fiasco. It was very painful.

Thank you all for your condolences. I really appreciate it. My cousin's mother embarrassed me on purpose in front of a crowd of people at the restaurant we went to after the services. I wanted a hole to open in the floor and let me escape. My cousin didn't hear what was said but his wife did and now they are going to tell off the mother over me. She asked if I was wearing my real hair, if that was my real color and on and on until she actually asked me if those were my real teeth and if I wore my dentures all the time. It was like being a foil in Theater of the Absurd.

My ex's death was hard because the obituary painted this abuser, thief and liar as a saint. I was infuriated and diminished. At least I can go on that side of the valley now without fear of being shot.

What I haven't told you is that my son called me right before Christmas. He started screaming at me over the phone and told me so many vile and hateful things. I had no idea he hates me. It was a complete shock. He said I wouldn't hear from him again. No one can hurt me like he can. My heart is broken and I am left confused and shaken. How can he possibly hate me?

I've been sick, too. The antibiotic didn't clear up the infection in my ears and I have been falling. I go back in two weeks, but I don't think I'll last that long, if I can get an appointment.

In the meanwhile, Belle and I stick together.

I am so blessed to have Belle and all of you. You are my family.