As my parents got older I tried to understand their lives more. Not to probe into private things, but my mother told me of certain specific things that obviously affected her very much. She grew up, during WW2, her father was in a concentration camp for 6 months, for protecting a Jew. She was the eldest of 5, having too much responsibility. She went through trauma of a different kind. Back then, the parents encouraged her to be very "clean', her father was a very strict religious man, had his own brethren group. She was told by an aunt of hers, that she should have been nicer to a man that chased her. From her story, I could tell she could have been raped but was smart enough to run away. But the idea was to land "a rich man".

My father, was traumatized at a very young age. Saw german soldiers shoot two men. Had no father himself, was taken into a foster home. The woman he referred to as his mamma, died when he was young. I feel he was somewhat used by my mothers father. He was barely 18, came to Canada by himself,with about 30$ in his pocket, but moms father kept in contact with my dad. He took low paying farming jobs, increased his english comprehension, and found a home for my moms entire family and then my mother came to live with all her family on a farm near where I was raised. He had too much responsibility, but he had my admiration for accomplishing everything he did. My mother became jealous I suspect, as my father could make me happy. He'd play little games with me, and tickled me. That last tickle was the last time he went near me. My mother said "STOP IT (insert name)!" and I was never allowed to go to the barn where I'd rather be to help with chores.

Ok, I just wanted to let you know that I watched everything going on in my family as a child and it did affect me deeply. My mother viewed everyone as "dirty".... I know the problems she must have had.

I broke up and left early from my bf's last night. I put enough effort into things to know I will never please him. He snapped at me for taking 2 beers, then said "i don't care about the beer".... but became explosive over many things. Obviously I don't want to be in that situation anymore, where he could become even worse than this. I have a reasonable mind, I can know whats right, wrong, explain in simple terms what is wrong with myself, and understand my bf's perspective. But his is clouded because of an addiction or two, his view of women in general. I am determined to stay away from him.

Not because I have a new man friend, but because my health, and my son, are priorities to me. I admit I was selfish in the last 2 years. But, it was a self preservation thing.

I finally had a car of my own, love to drive, and loved the affection. It came at a huge price, I know. I believe my two sons will also know I've made the right decision. I understand how they watch everything parents do. I've shown bad decision making.

I should just have taken your advice a year or so ago Rose, to stay away from dating for a year. I may actually do that. Thank you all here.