Hi, I am a teenager with OCD, Sexual Sadism and anxiety problems (I guess that could fall in with OCD). Sexual sadism is when someone gets sexually aroused by the pain and suffering of someone they find attractive. Recently, I’ve been viewing death scenes from horror movies on Youtube, mostly from “slasher” movies that don’t really scare me. The death scenes arouse me, because of my sexual sadism. I’m going to talk to a paraphilias expert about my sexual sadism, but until then I have another problem: fear and disgust from the horror movies. While searching, I discovered a very sick scene involving mutiliation and what I think was cannibalism. This scene traumatized me, but for some reason, I felt a desire to see it again. I have no idea why. After that incident, I started learning more and more about very dark horror movies with taboo subjects. This scared me very much. How should I deal with not only the fear and paranoia, but also the disgust from seeing these horror movies? Whenever I think of this, my mood instantly darkens. One of my main worries is that what if this actually happened? What if the violence I saw in the movie was actual violence filmed on a camera?

Horror movie deaths sexually arouse me, so they are basically porn for me. Is there any way to permanently refrain from watching this? I have heard that watching violent horror movies at a youbg age could have a effect on you.