I agree with Skeezyks. These movies and scenes from movies are bad input for you. This is taking sadism in a whole different direction. We aren't talking about deriving sexual pleasure from playing tie up and spank or dripping hot candle wax. What you're talking about is very serious and you should be seeing someone about it. You definitely need to see a psychiatrist and a therapist for this. The best thing that you can do until then is to stay away from anything that has to do with death or violence and gore be it real or fictional as that seems to be the trigger. Such things should disgust you.