the sex thing, yes, even though most of the time I feel loved, not having an orgasm is beyond frustrating.

I know its up to me. I know abused women stay with abusive men.

Yes, his behavior is kind of rude and selfish. He's a drug addict. I learned from the thread titled "Confused", that drug addicts do have certain patterns, such as caring about the drug more than anything, becoming suspicious, etc. He was very stingy but because I no longer put up with that much "stingyness" he has to cough up a few dollars for food etc.

He has kind qualities. I don't know why I don't mention them. I guess because one negative could outweigh all the positives? No, loving someone is not enough to stay with them. There are good reasons for me to leave. I am stubborn, have had enough relationships in life, and would like to see this one work. I can date the other guy, there's no reason not to. If I lose my guy over just seeing a man and not having sex with another man, than I guess he loses me and I him.

Ex. of kind qualities,
: he is thoughtful and emotional about his daughter and grandkids, he never forgets to visit them at least once a month. He loves spoiling them all at Christmas

:he brought me a guitar only a month or so into the relationship

:he thinks of homeless people and donates to them

:he loves to cook, and cooks awesome meals when I'm at his place

:he kisses me often during the day and reminds me that he loves me

:I've seen the softer side of him (this really isn't to do with kindess, but) he can be sensitive and caring

:He took 2 days off last year and offered to take one more, one to help my older son, one for my mothers funeral, and offered to be there for me for the burial.

:He visits his dad and mother at least once a year even though he went through some horrible abuse.

that's enough

I do see how my posts contradict other ones. Maybe I'm not thinking clearly sometimes.

It's very very hard to get to know someone. It took me way too many years to see my ex husband for who he really was, and by then I had no money or way out, and hated myself so much I had no desire to leave.

At least this man doesn't make me hate myself.. He isn't abusive except the push and wanting me to leave... and truthfully he has every right, not to push me to the floor, but to ask me to leave his apartment, not touch his guitars.

RElationships are so complicated I don't know if I want one anymore. I am heading to that soup kitchen in the morning, to get orientated. This is what I want, to feel useful again. Thanks for hoping good things happen for me, I hope this for you as well.