I'm glad you're on here, I recently found out i probably have NPD, and it's really scary trying to get informed what you have to do about it, because there's loads of literature on how to handle a narcissist, but not what to do if you ARE one yourself. I came on here because I wanted to get some insight on my worst symptoms. I go to a counselor once a week, but I can't really open up to her, I just keep slipping into my more appropriate "social" persona, and so I don't know if she really knows what's really wrong with me.

Anyway, I won't go on and on, but I have issues with compulsively talking for hours, and basically having attention getting "tantrums" at home when someone has to criticize me, complete with hysterical screaming and crying. I've had this for a few years, and it just won't go away, and I can't seem to make it.

I also have this thing where I can't seem to be myself when I'm insecure/stressed, I just start to subconsciously mimic my abusive, arrogant, awkward relatives. It makes me really self conscious, and when it happens, I have to fight back the hysteria (I lost that battle tonight. Big time.) It just feels like no one else knows what that feels like to feel disgusting and repulsive, and not in a "forget them, if they don't like you that's their problem!" way... If I were them I would think I was repulsive too.

Anyway, thanks for listening - tonight I just begged God to let me die for ages, because I just feel like I can't face another day with that mimicking and the way I can't stop that crying, so it helps to know someone else might understand what I'm going through a bit.