I am sure someone else has gone through this and maybe can offer some support.

My mother and I have always have had a complicated relationship. She has a lot of NPD tendencies and I also think in some ways she is jealous of me. She also hates that I won’t go along and act like everything is great and she was a wonderful mother.

She always preferred my sister and my brother, whereas I’m always the bad guy. I think they and my father are in a way intimidated by her, which enables her behavior. I am the only one that has ever tried to call her out on her actions, which she of course denies.

I moved far away a while ago and keep only limited contact. Giving her too much information about my life only opened me up for criticism.

Anyways, my dad on Friday told me that she’s been having short-term memory issues for about a year and they are getting worse. They are trying her on medication but there are no guarantees. On top of that, they are waiting for some tests, but it looks like she probably has cancer.

I am not dealing well, not because I am sad, but because I’m not. I feel numb about it and then guilty because I’m not sad about it. I do feel somewhat badly for my dad, he leans on her for organizing all day to day things, so I think it is going to be tough for him. However at the same time, although he was always more supportive of me, to counteract her behavior, he never called her out on her treatment of me either. Some people have told me I should still support her because she’s my mother. A friend that went through something similar with her father said that I should do what I feel I can handle.

I pretty much snapped on Friday night. Ever since our beloved dog passed away, it seems like life has been one stress or problem after another and I guess I just couldn’t take any more. I am a bit calmer by now, but I am giving some thought to therapy. Unfortunately, I know from when my husband was not doing well that there are waits of months to get seen unless you go to a clinic with a psychiatric ER, and I don’t know if I am that bad to go there.