So I recently had a conflict with my BPD sister in law. She asked me to go to brunch with her, but I had to work so I turned her down. As usual, she got really angry and tried to guilt trip me into taking off of work to go to brunch. I let her know how I felt. She wouldn't let it go, so I just stopped responding to her texts. 4 weeks later she's still mad about it. Of course I thought dropping it and giving her space would make the conflict a distant memory. She insists she doesn't know what she did wrong (she calls my husband and he explains it to her, but she still says she doesn't get it). She insists that we must have a sit down where I restate my case, rehash all of it. She says "How can I make sure I never do it again if we don't have a sit-down discussion?" but that if we don't have the discussion "I don't see how we can go back to things being normal." So she's decided that the only way we proceed with a relationship is if we have an argument, which is all that would happen during the "discussion." She isn't interested in my perspective, she says she doesn't even understand it.

So what do you do when someone is totally bent on having an argument with you? I assume whenever I see her again she will try to instigate this "discussion." I'm going to see her at ((her wedding is this year!!)) Thanksgiving, other holidays, no matter how much time passes, she's just waiting to have a fight with me? Arguing is not only a waste of time, it will fill her with even more bad feelings. The compassionate thing to do is NOT argue.