I remember the first year of SNL. From 1999-2013, though, I was out of the popular culture loop and only started watching SNL three-years ago.

I’ve been trying to process #metoo for some time. As a diehard Tarantino fan, I appreciated the Weinsteins, and when the Harvey accusations began to pour out I felt some shock (but, as Mitch McConnell said of Roy Moore’s accusers, “I believe the women.”) but as women (and men in re Kevin Spacey) continued to come forward and rightfully calling out men who had behaved abhorrently - sometimes criminally - I felt that this might be a long-needed watershed moment in history, even as I thought if Tom Hanks name was mentioned I would need to move back to Finland.

And then I read of Aziz Ansari’s anonymous accuser. And I read the babe.com story.

I’ve read the NYT & WaPo opinions. I don’t do Twitter or Facebook so I’m not aware of the ‘social media’ opinions. But when I watch the SNL take on the Thing That We Do Not Speak Of... I felt a little sick.

Before I wrote this, I re-read the babe.net article (prejudically - the punctuation is horrendous and I’m suspicious of .net websites), watched the skit again (it is all over the internet), re-read pro/con articles written by women that I respect and love, and then returned here to see if anyone might be interested in a little convo about The Ansari Situation.

I really hope that others will read the babe.net article and watch the skit. I’m prepared for flames when I write that the single sentence that I felt most in awe of in the skit was “she should have just... left.” Oh, the horror!

Why was I in awe, yet horrified? Because, as I read the babe.net article, I had the same thought.

I’ll not dissect the pseudonymic Grace’s interview but there is one term, used twice in the article (I think?) and the root is ‘flirt.’ When Grace meets Ansari, she’s a little tipsy and they flirt. She gives the comic-actor her phone number. For ‘a little over a week’ they exchange flirtatious text messages.

So. That’s where I stop. This is where I bow to my idol, Bill Maher, who is paid for his wisdom and candor. Watch his “Distinction Denial” video on YouTube. He addresses the rhetoric that claims that a “butt tap” is the same as “rape.” I’m like Bill; I, too have a penis. If I am a male with any degree of dominance over a woman and I show her my penis, that’s disgusting behavior. If I rape a woman, that is not equivalent to penis exposure. In this Brave New World, where facts and alternative facts create a black & white worldview, we’ve tossed distinctions and degrees out of the Oldsmobile window. As Maher points out, there are degrees of murder. Ansari’s... accuser?... offers a kind of bizarre notion of sex. The two performed oral sex upon the other but they didn’t, she says, have “actual sex.” This is where I bow to my hooker friends who mandate the pricing of sexual acts: oral sex is sex but is priced lower than actual sex (which I think means genital sex?).

I don’t believe that women need to be hookers to realize that sex has degrees, that there are distinctions that are not equal. Flirtation between men and women can lead to amorous encounters. Other than in arranged marriages, I don’t know of any loving relationships that might have developed without flirtation. Flirtation - shock! - can even continue during relationships.

Lord, help me, I have to make one more observation. Grace is an adult female and was an adult woman at the time of her date with Ansari. I’ll only say this once - she admits that the majority of her discomforts were non-verbal and this is where some women have suggested that Ansari might not possess the skills of a mind-reader. Grace is able to excuse herself to go to the bathroom. Is it reaching to think that an adult women - armed with a cell phone - might be able to excuse herself and leave using her cell phone to contact Uber or a taxi service?

I’ll demure and just ask others to watch Maher’s response to the hyperbole equating a butt tap with rape. No, butt-tapping is not acceptable but there exist degrees of separation between it and rape. And oral sex (I think we all can agree) is sex. All of this brings me back to flirting. Human flirtation is our mating call. It may or may not lead to more-than-playful courtship or love.

Two questions (to end):

1) do we need new definitions or limitations upon what is acceptable in practicing courtship from those of us who are penis-endowed?

2) is the ‘Ansari Affair’ a degree below, for example, the ‘Nassar Affair’ or are they equivalent?

Open book test.