I feel like my tide is in but I am flooded with feeling that I can't numb. I am awash. I lie on my bed and I can't get up. I sleep amongst the nightmares.
I am coming to know a part of self who went to father-and-daughter nights at the club, a part who saw the public daddy as a king and herself as a princess. She has been hated and rejected by us. Because of her adoration for him. She was a traitor.
But for some reason now I am coming to see her just as a purposefully protected part of a little girl who was so neglected abandoned and abused that, just for those nights, those once a year events, she was able to feel loved, she was able to feel special.
For some reason that washes me out with sadness and all I can do is lie on my bed and cry.