Thanks you so much for your reply.

If I am being honest the reason I asked the question was that someone else wrote that romantic fantasies determine one's sexual orientation and then someone else told me that by fantasizing those two women celebrities, I was attracted to them and that I was suffering from maybe internalized homophobia. I explained that I was attracted to them in the thoughts in my head a few times in the past and that outside of those thoughts I felt nothing for them i.e. did not crush on them, feel attraction when I saw them
on tv, social media pics etc.

I dont know, I just feel like all these opinions made me confused. Like, I was a freak show for having felt an attraction to the thoughts in my head about the celebrity women but not to them when I saw them on tv or via pictures and never feeling any crush like feelings for them.

I've spent 14 months going round in circle analyzing if I liked women in real life, came to a conclusion I already knew all along which is that I have never and still do not feel any form of attraction to women in real life i.e. women i see everyday and do not desire or even want to experiment in any way. So no internalized homophia, no denial. I wish I didnt let people make me doubt myself and waste so much time digging to find out if I was homophobic, I wish people didnt assume everyone asking a question like mine isnt in denial or hiding something. At this point it looks like after 14 months I've developed a mental illness, unable to hold down a job, living off savings and basically trying to keep it together. Just wish I could afford counselling to speak to someone who specializes in whatever mental health issue I am going through.

Sorry for the rant and thank you so much for replying to me. Hopefully, ill get to a point where it all makes sense and the opinions of others doesnt drown out my own voice.