(((Carmina))), I know just what you mean when you say this. However, I think this is probably where you get this and I believe this is also why I myself struggle because I had too many of these type of individuals in my personal history and my kind temperment actually attracts them to me and I just didn't realize it. It's something to sit and think about.

Why empaths and narcissists are attracted to each other - Business Insider

When I think about negative self talk, the I have to for "them" and I can't have "my own feelings", I think this develops because this is what someone is told to think about themselves because the other person, be it a parent or sibling or even a spouse, tended to insist on their feelings being more important and this can lead to the one being influenced to disassociate in an effort to "not feel their own feelings".

When I read the part about how it's ok to ask their advice, I can think of someone that liked having that power, that's not about empathy though, that's more about giving the other toxic person the power they like to have and the authority.