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Old 02-13-2018, 11:53 AM
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Member Since: May 2008
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Default Lazy Mind, Dementia, or Dissociation?

When I was growing up, I got in trouble at home frequently for forgetting to do things or not doing them right. My parents interpreted it as laziness or carelessness. Here are some examples...

When I was 8 years old, it was my job to clean my gerbil cage. If I didn't notice that it was getting stinky and change the litter, my dad would get angry with me. When I was 12, it was my job to vacumn and rake the carpet, clean both bathrooms, and dust. I remember at least one time that my parents said I didn't rake the carpet well enough. Another time, I didn't rub the furniture polish in well enough, and it left some dried residue on my mom's piano. When I was 14, I set a friend's boombox on their stove to get it out of the way while we were doing something in the kitchen, and I didn't realize someone had left the burner on (it melted, and i had to buy them a new one). As an adult, if my car is in a large parking lot, I often forget where I parked. Occasionally when riding with a friend, I'll approach the wrong car. People sometimes tell me that they see me at stoplights and honk and wave, but I don't wave back. If I am a passenger in a car, we can go to the same place several times, but if I don't make a point to pay close attention, I have no idea how to get there. I sometimes don't recognize clients I've worked with at work if I see them in the elevator or the cafeteria.
I have trouble finding things in the pantry or in kitchen drawers. I have few memories of my childhood, except for the traumatic things that happened to me. I don't remember anything about my high school graduation, for example. Sometimes, my husband will say, "Hey, remember when we did so-and-so?" and I won't remember it (thankfully, this doesn't happen very often).

All my life, I have felt worried and ashamed about my poor memory, poor facial recall, and apparent lack of recognition of things around me in my visual environment. I did pretty well in school and also do well in my job, so my brain must be capable of retaining information (although I do use post-it notes and lists to help me remember). I have my eyes checked regularly, including my peripheral vision, and there's nothing wrong with my eyesight.

Although my parents noticed I was absent minded, they did not seem to think at all that I might have an actual problem with my awareness that was beyond my control. When I forgot to do things or did them in a way that was less than ideal, my dad would call me lazy or say I didn't care enough to do a good job. To this day, he believes that I lack motivation, even though my life shows that I do!

My t seems to think so. I've sometimes been afraid that maybe I have early-onset Alzheimer's, but I'm only in my mid-50's and I've always been this way. It has been worse since my breakdown, but I've always had this problem. I've noticed that when I am nervous or upset, my forgetfulness and ability to comprehend the things around me gets worse.

Could these be symptoms of dissociation?
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