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Old 02-23-2018, 11:30 AM  
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Default Re: BPD mixed with which knows what (please help)


Originally Posted by BriarHeart18 View Post
I have bpd but Iím sure I have another Cluster b disorder. Iím thinking I may be a covert narc because on surface I realized I seem unstable and depressed but underneath I feel heaps of anger, entitlement, superiority, and a painful need for validation and attention.
Usually narcissists, even covert ones, don't seem unstable until you anger them.

I have daydreams of people admiring me or being shocked at me, or pitying me. Typically the people who used to bully me in MS and my therapist or people I just met.
Iím very worried about my appearance. I could dress even slightly ďwrongĒ imo, and social anxiety and depression will ensue because I think Iíll automatically look awful and fat.
This doesn't seem indicative of narcissism to me.

I talk about myself. Way. Too. Much. I rant to my friends waaaayyy too much to the point where my saving grace is my silliness and humor. In fact I rather talk about myself and I only ask about their problems because itís the right thing to do, not really that I care unless itís my FP. In fact even when my FP talks to me about herself, i tend to zone out or feign considerable interest.
What do you mean by "too much"? That sounds like a pretty subjective statement.

I hate humans, I hate the world for being so awful and horrible and stupid. Iím suicidal for my BPD but also because I feel like I donít wanna be around regular people anymore because they disgust me and the worldís getting worse. When I die I want to learn the secrets of the world.n
I think Iím special and smarter than most people if not everyone. I always felt ďdifferentĒ and still do.
Again this doesn't seem indicative of NPD to me. Misanthropy maybe, but that alone doesn't mean much in terms of personality disorders.

My worst symptom which ties into my BPD. I have severe identity issues which causes me to latch onto a label for me to act out as. But whenever this identity is threatened by say my therapist or if I get invalidated even slightly, I fall apart. Iíve split on my therapist recently for saying I should ďtryĒ to let go of the labels thing. Like she and my therapists from before donít understand how deep this is for me. I NEED validation to survive. Whenever this kind of thing happens I get SUPER angry (to the point of violent thoughts) and eventually become very depressed about it and suicidal. (Even more than I usually do.) in fact I really hate her right now for it.
Iím sensitive to criticism. I perceive any change in tone or critical word as an insult or as someone being mad at me. My response is typically anger or hurt or both.
I think I deserveÖ.. a lot of things lol. I feel like I deserve some type of compensation for living such a ****** life. A part of me canít believe that Iím actually living such a crap life with no upsides. I honestly feel like I deserve a million dollars for putting up with it.

I donít expect a full-on diagnosis. Iím gonna see a specialist soon but Iím not sure when thatíll come be. I just really need to get insight.
None of this seems out of the realm of BPD, honestly.

It seems to me that your need for labels is directly tied in to your need for validation, and that need is surrounding your identity as you astutely stated yourself; so perhaps think of focusing on how to meet your need for validation in a way that is healthy instead of latching onto labels? Labels at the end of the day are pretty empty. They won't provide you with what you actually need to be a healthy and whole person.
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