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Old 02-25-2018, 04:38 AM  
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MoxieDoxie trust is a myth and caring is a painful lie
Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: United States
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Default Re: BPD mixed with which knows what (please help)

Originally Posted by BriarHeart18 View Post
I seem unstable and depressed but underneath I feel heaps of anger, entitlement, superiority, and a painful need for validation and attention.
I almost spit my coffee out when I read this because I think I was almost reading about myself.

have daydreams of people admiring me or being shocked at me, or pitying me.
My day dreams of me being amazing and saving people I want to pay more attention to me or me being saved by those I want more attention from.

Im very worried about my appearance. I could dress even slightly “wrong” imo, and social anxiety and depression will ensue because I think I’ll automatically look awful and fat.
I just don't go on vacations or to parties because the stress of putting "nice" clothes on makes me want to slice and stab myself by how much I think I am fat and ugly.

I hate humans, I hate the world for being so awful and horrible and stupid. I’m suicidal for my BPD but also because I feel like I don’t wanna be around regular people anymore because they disgust me and the world’s getting worse. When I die I want to learn the secrets of the world.
Unfortunately when I hear about shootings or earthquakes or about an event where people died I am like "good less people in the world" or I get jealous I am not dead.

have severe identity issues which causes me to latch onto a label for me to act out as.
I could not figure out what to become. Everytime I met someone who I though had it together I would say I am going to school for what they are. It ranged from speech pathologist, graphic designer. I could not find my own identity.

sensitive to criticism. I perceive any change in tone or critical word as an insult or as someone being mad at me. My response is typically anger or hurt or both.
I would go into what is called emotional flashback all the damn time at a job every time I was talked to on how to do something better or how I should behave or smile more. That job almost killed me.
When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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