I wish for you to be well, datslothagain, and that you are currently where you are wanting to be with you boyfriend (or ex boyfriend.)

I will preface that I am no expert on anything, especially Asperger Syndrome.

Also, much obliged to Skeezyks for listing such links of helpful info.

With that said, your boyfriend seems to exhibit emotional and psychological abuse and manipulation. Some examples are his denial of his actions, denial of his responsibility (in his actions and consequences,) marginalization (your views and feelings,) convincing you of guilt, convincing you of responsibility and probably other tactics.

Emotional and psychological abuse and manipulation are forms of control, which are unjustifiable and intolerable.

Your relationship also seems to be cyclical between being together and not being together while also being unhealthy during such a cycle because the effects of the cycle and abuse and manipulation are hurting, damaging and changing you (and probably of more than you are aware.)

He also seems to be hoovering because he continues to contact you during your breaks in your relationship and tells you that he is supportive of and offering change and improvement in himself, the relationship and how you two communicate, yet no change of improvements seem to be executed. Hoover is a further means of (increasing) control, abuse and manipulation of the victim.

He additionally seems to be devaluing you during your period of history of asking him about his past statements about his feelings for you. He seems to be dismissing them as if they are irrelevant and unimportant, which might be a sign of devaluation. If it is indeed devaluation, his actions are another attempt to hurt you, damage you and control you.

A possible next stage between you two is that he will discard you. Another option is that he will continue his psychological and emotional abuse and manipulation on you. Please, do not allow him to do so or accept his attempts to do so.

There are multiple alternatives as to what to do now and how to do what you choose to do. For example, you could explicitly tell him that your relationship is finished and to leave you alone (convey that to him how ever you decide.) Conversely, you could stay with him and try to figure out how to keep the relationship intact.

Unfortunately, there seems to be narcissistic behavior in your boyfriend. Even if it is not of narcissism, he is controlling you, which should not be tolerated because the effects are harmful to you psychologically and emotionally. Moreover, the control might reach a point of physical harm as well, not necessarily the act of him harming you, but maybe, you resort to physically inflicting pain upon yourself because you are that upset, emotionally and psychologically hurt and more. The effects of abuse and manipulation can be quite severe, including causing trauma.

Please think thoroughly and decide what you should do within how ever much time. The sooner is more helpful to you, especially because if you end it, he might attempt to be with you, regardless of the relationship being over, no contact, how ever many times you tell him to leave you alone and so on.

Please think of your well being (emotional, psychological, spiritual and physical.)