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justafriend306
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Default Mar 04, 2018 at 08:01 AM
 
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Originally Posted by shakespeare47 View Post
There have been times in my life when I literally knew I would destroy myself if I had a lot of money. I would have engaged in a lot of self-destructive behavior......
I've been there and done that. I am there again and doing it again.

When I have money I spend it. I have thus lived a very fun, and good, lifestyle. But I can't sustain it.

The last time it occurred was when I received a wack of money from my share of a house sale. Chalk it up to being suddenly single for the first time in my life or that I suddenly too had the ability to do that which I always wanted. Chalk it up too to a lengthy period of mania. I went on to live an adventure. New Jeep, thousands on kayaks and equipment, and travel trailer. Then i just up and quit a really great job so as to drive about Western Canada living my dream - and taking on huge risks. It lasted ten months.

Then I was plunged into poverty. I crashed into the worst depths of mental illness I have thus far ever experienced.

Well, fast forward eight years and again I have been very fortunate to have myself receiving a lump sum payment. I know better. Yet, I can't control myself. Again I ran straight out and the very day the money hit my account I bought a car. A week later and I had booked an expensive Christmas holiday in Europe. Again the money is frittering away. I know full well I will once again crash and slide the slippery slope down to poverty. It is as though I have no control.

The first time around I really put my life in jeopardy in several ways. It ended up just a mess. And although I have a knowing head on my shoulders it seems I am compelled to do the same.

Last edited by justafriend306; Mar 04, 2018 at 08:13 AM..
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