Hey erlein
It can be tricky to separate true desire from the psychological rewards of neurotic behaviour.
I found that through trial and error I have become aware of false desires.
When a desire pops up, like the desire to cancel hanging out with friends, try both options and be aware of how the results of your choice leave you feeling.
I apologize if this is basic knowledge which we have heard before.
One last thing, if you cancel on your friends using a false excuse could that in itself be a source of disturbance for your psyche?
May you not feel foolish for lying?
Maybe you would feel more at peace with your choice if you told them you just didn’t feel like hanging out...
I think I would.