It generally feels like I can’t control anything. I feel so restricted. I’m gay, and I live in a really judgmental area. My parents don’t know I’m gay, and that doesn’t help. When I try and change something in my life, I just feel so weird. So different from everybody in my family, and it feels like everybody is judging me even though they probably aren’t. I’m one of those people who when I want to change something in my life, I will just joke about it to people and call it stupid and just stuff like that, which may as well be why I feel like this. My brother is absolutely terrible about judging me though. I’ve thought about working out and eating healthy recently, and he just makes fun of it. All the time. He does neither of these things, and I know this is stupid, but it just really impacts me. And even if I told him that, he wouldn’t care. And god, I’m such a freaking picky eater. It’s a lot of work trying to eat food that you HATE. Especiallly when everybody around you is eating this tasty food, that I can’t have.
Speaking of feeling restricted, I have told my dad about my dream in life. It is to move to Japan, and he told me that it’s really expensive, but if I work hard enough I will get there. Then, a little while later, my brother told me, in front of my dad, that my dad said that I would never make it there. When my brother said that, they both just laughed, and my dad shyly said that he didn’t, and then my brother said it again, and my dad didn’t say anything else. Not only that, but my dad also completely neglects that I want to move to Japan, and says all of these things that disregard everything that I’ve told him. It’s so annoying, it’s like it just goes through one ear and out the other. My uncle and grandparents are really the only people that support my dream.
Anyway, I know I sound like a dumb brat, but I just don’t know what to do. I feel so discouraged all of the time, and it keeps me from achieving my goals. What should I do?