I will just lay out a sexually theory that I first heard from two qualified counselling therapists who are very wise indeed. I learnt so much from them and their class.
They think that most of us are on a scale between attraction between men and women. So bisexual orientation is obviously very central as they are equally attracted sexually to men and women.
What is interesting is that they said that they thought that as our brain chemistry changes as we age that we quite possibly may have been attracted to one sex but as the brain develops until we are twenty five we quite possiblly move along scale towards a different sex as we develop.
This doesn't rule out that we are born one way and it's the way we are. That is true . Being gay is not a choice but the way we are.
What I am saying is that you should consider that our brain chemistry changes as we get older. So you probably were attracted to your husband.
Even if you have always been gay there is obviously things you like in your spouse.
I am comfortable now and I admit I am gay.
But I HATE the term lesbian. I prefer gay woman.
It's like the grief process coming out as gay. You mourn for the "normal" life you can't have anymore. Sometimes you go through the bargaining stage and say maybe I am bi-sexual and not gay and I am just bi-curious. But then you come to terms with it and realise the only way to be happy Is to be you
It's a long process. Be kind to yourself. Your husband will forgive you and you will forgive yourself. You will both move on. Only you can figure out how to do it. Listen to therapist but they give you the tools. You have to practice using the tools and perfect them. Good luck