That's because I was tired last night and forgot to add that part to the story.

I already said we fought a lot, and bitterly, but for someone in my shoes that apparently isn't enough when it starts happening gradually. We'd had a specific fight, about a week and a half prior to my coming down, during which he made the statement, "I'm your last resort, but you sure as hell aren't mine." That's nasty in its own right, but given my fears about other women, it was specifically nasty. And also not true--there are other people here. I'd just chosen to cultivate a relationship with him because I thought, and he had given me the impression that's what we'd both wanted for so long. It was the first time I noticed how intentionally cruel he was. I told him it was a statement I didn't know if I could come back from and, though I obviously still had feelings after that point, they definitely cooled. The second fight was a few days after that, and I'm not really going to go into it. It was just another instance of him telling me I basically didn't have the right that night to speak to him on the phone, him going in circles for hours telling me it was a consequence of my actions etc, etc.

Looking back, of course I realize that none of this was normal, that some people may call me stupid, and that my first instinct to leave (which was actually in December) I should have left, that the nasty words aren't normal. But you're talking to someone with BPD from an emotionally abusive childhood. I know all of these things and, in other circumstances I have been able to look out for myself and say what doesn't work for me.

Hope that clears it up some.