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lunatic soul
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Member Since: Aug 2014
Location: somewhere
Posts: 906
8 yr Member
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Confused Mar 15, 2018 at 05:42 AM
 
I decided to put an end to my relatiobship.
I wrote about it here https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...e-forgive.html

I was thinking a lot about it.
I told my bf Im not happy with him. He said he isnt too. I took almost all of my things (I moved away from him almost two months ago). He asked me am I leaving him. I couldnt say yes seeing him and hugging him. I loved him so much and I still have feelings but these relationship destroys me and also him. We texted almost till the morning about us and how to save our relationship. Then I deleted my "engaged" status on fb.
Next day I got drunk and my bf asked me more then 5 times- if its over tell me now.
He pressed me to answer, I said yes its over. I wasnt sure, I was drunk, I felt pain and I dont know what is worse to be with him or without him. He said he took pills with alcohol and was lying on the train road. My friend said he is manipulating with me to get me back.
He said- if you still believe we could save our relationship, come to my T,if you want to end it, dont come.

What should I do? To see or not to see his T?
I feel like I cant believe its over but all my friends say that these relationship destroys me. Also they say my bf is really nice person but he controlls me, never trust me, hurt me and broke my trust in him by saying he will change.

I confessed him I took drugs because he hurt me so much and my dreams were destroyed but I wanted to stay with him because I loved him too much. He said he checked my veins because he was afraid Im taking heavy stuff but he was afraid to ask me. I hid it because I thought he may leave me but yesterday he said he wouldnt and he felt I was on drugs.
High doses of drugs (opiates) mixed with alcohol and benzos lead me to psychiatric hospital and doc said I could die but I knew this. I remember how I felt my breathing is weak, I knew I may not wake up. At hospital I went through hell.

Now Im free from drugs. Im taking antidepressants and mood stabilizers, also benzos because I was on high doses and it wasnt easy to get off if it.
When I left him I felt like I finally can breath but...
I still love him. I still have doubts maybe its big mistake to leave him.
Splitted feelings.
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