Stay where you are. It is difficult but worth it to be with yourself for a time and then to move on to some new activities that will fill time and spark interests. People can change but don't often change a great deal----you are drug free and on meds, he is manipulating you but he is also hurting ---BUT he needs (as do you) to feel OK by and in himself before he can move forward, the relationship (for whatever reasons, you can't change them)sounds toxic----intoxicating at times I am sure but also a place of chaos and booby traps set by both sides without thinking---a relationship based solely on emotions is not healthy. It might seem dull at first, (think of him as a drug you need to get off) but try doing things with friends (or meetup groups aimed at activities not love-seeking---walking, hiking, movie going, just look for something you can do and might enjoy) ....It isn't easy but it is worth the effort. You said it all "I can finally breathe" --now you need distraction, support, and time to move on. Hang in there with yourself.