I understand that you hurt. I understand that you couldn't control your rage. I understand that you were in pain. I understand that you slowly changed.

I understand all of this, but I still feel every strike. Every single one. And I'm still messed up. I still wait for more. I still brace for it when there's fast movement. My head still hurts, like a concussion.... How many of those did I have? My legs still sting. It's still hard to close my eye. I still feel my breath being choked out of me. My ribs still feel every impact.

Why did this happen? Why didn't you stop? Why did you start in the first place?

And why can't I get over it?