I feel disgusting to myself every time i say or do something i wish i hadn't. My older sister i think sort of taught me this way of thinking, but i don't want to blame her, she just comes to mind every time it happens. She never allowed me to think or talk for myself, i had to remain quiet and act how she would in any and every situation. Not until 30 years later did i feel a bit of freedom from her was i able to address this problem. I ended up in psych wards several times fighting this feeling of trying not to be a pest to anyone!